Have you ever played hard to get?
A lot of people engaged in modern dating will deludedly think that playing “hard to get” is the only way to win another person over. They’re told that they shouldn’t be making the other person feel like they’re eager or interested in having a relationship. You’ve probably heard that piece of advice too. You were told that the best way to make a person fall in love with you is to make that person feel like they really have to earn your love. And there is some truth to that; in the sense that there are some people who like the thrill of the chase and who don’t like to get into relationships with “easy” people. But at the end of the day, just playing hard to get for the sake of it is going to keep you single for the rest of your life. There’s a place for “acting”, and it’s on the stage or in front of the camera. There’s no room for that in relationships.
Here are a few reasons why acting hard to get is a bad idea if you want to get someone to fall in love with you.
1. If you keep on acting hard to get, you become fake.
If you become fake, do you really want this person to fall for the fake version of you? Of course not. You would want them to be falling in love with who you really are. And if you keep acting hard to get, you are essentially suppressing your true emotions and your true self for the sake of trying to look cool.
2. It really turns people off when you aren’t real with your emotions.
A lot of people have this uncanny ability of being able to see right through your fakeness. And so once they see that you’re just trying to put on an act, they’re going to leave because they don’t want to have any of it. They don’t it when people are too insecure to just be themselves.
3. You risk making them feel like they’re not worthy of you.
And then there are those other kinds of people who can’t see that it’s an act and they might actually believe that you’re just not into them. When that happens, they will stop trying to pursue you because they will really think that they don’t have a chance of being with you at all.
4. You start a game that you don’t even want to play.
There are also some people who are familiar with this game and if you play hard to get with them, they’re going to play it right back with you. They are good at this game and the both of you will end up treating your courtship and relationship as a whole like a game. You will fail to take one another seriously.
5. It’s not a sustainable way of acting around the person you’re in love with.
If you do put on an act to make that person fall in love with you, then you have to realize that you have to maintain that act if they ever do fall in love with you. Remember that it isn’t sustainable to keep acting like a person that you’re not just to maintain a romantic connection with the person you’re most in love with.
6. It’s just downright childish and immature.
It’s an old tactic that might have worked for kids in your high school but it sure as heck won’t work in the adult dating scene anymore. People are just a lot more cynical and less hopeful as adults and they won’t have the time nor the patience to play these childish games anymore.
7. You are only highlighting your insecurities when you don’t act like your true self.
When you don’t let your true self come out, then you are essentially saying that your true self isn’t good enough for the world. You are essentially showing the person that you like that you have insecurities and you don’t want to expose yourself to them in that manner.
8. Letting yourself become more vulnerable opens you up to more intimacy.
If you allow yourself to become more vulnerable and open with your feelings and emotions, then it propagates an environment of intimacy and closeness between you and your potential partner. It will make them feel comfortable about opening themselves up to you as well. But if you keep playing, you are never going to be able to give them that kind of comfort.
9. It’s not cool to have a person chase after you.
Respect that person’s dignity. It’s not cool to keep someone on the leash and have them chase after you as if they’re animals. It’s rude and it’s not a right way to treat other people at all.
10. Relationships are always built on honesty and openness.
No relationship is ever going to survive unless the both of you can be open and honest with one another. If you start things off with a deceitful act, then you are already building a very poor and shaky foundation for whatever relationship the both of you might have in the future.