From my inbox: How do I let

Your posts are usually hilarious especially comments from Nigerians. They got no chill.
You have helped a lot of people and I pray God rewards you.I know you make all post anonymous so i know I won’t post my name.

So 2015, I started dating this guy. Took a while chasing me but i liked someone else so I didn’t bother giving him face until i started seeing nice things abt him. He was kind. Very kind. He was intelligent. He wasn’t rich but he was hardworking. He had passion for knowledge and could hold me down in an intelligent conversation for hours. Before long I really started liking him and then I fell in love. Deeply. Stupidly. It felt so good. He was the second relationship i was to go into. The first was messy and I didn’t date anyone for four years till I met him. The relationship was also defined. He didn’t want to date for long and we were going to be married in a year. Told me what he wanted, the kind of life he wanted to live and all, and the parts which I felt needed adjustments(character,lifestyle)I adjusted. You know when you just want a perfect home.
Fastforward, few months later, he told me he was travelling one night to a neighbouring state and because it was late, about 9pm i insisted he shouldn’t go. He agreed but still travelled that night. I kept calling and around 12am, a lady picked and insulted my life, saying I should never call her husband again. She told me her name too. Me because I don’t like trouble, I respected myself and didn’t call. He called me the next morning with one lousy explanation but truthfully that was where our trust issues started.

Things never went back to where it was. I became desperate and scared. One because it took me four years to fall in love with someone and if i get hurt, I don’t know how long it’s going to take me. So I endured all the lies, the deceit. I spent my energy making it work. You have no idea how much time I invested over a lousy nuisance. But his actions made me sad. For two years I waited for him to change. Let me not forget the fact that after the chyking stage, we never went out as a couple. We only ate in our houses or shopped together. Shopping as per buying things I needed for the night if I was going to spend the night in his place(water,biscuit or even things I would use to cook cos I love to cook and he loves to eat). He never on his own gave me money and me I couldn’t ask because I’m working but I know how it should be. The feeling that he did something nice…I always talked to him about his character and negligence towards how I feel. We are sweethearts during the week but weekends, he doesn’t take my calls. In fact, he would go weeks without taking my calls nor replying my chats nor emails, he would totally ignore. He said I was a nag. That I was a sad woman who doesn’t know how to love and my love was selfish and scary. I asked him how, he never gave an explanation. I’m sorry I’m talking too much but I’m remembering every tiny details. Almost at the end of last year, he asked me to marry him but I didn’t say yes neither did I say no. I loved him to want to spend the rest of my life with him but I didn’t want to be with someone who stretches my emotions. Doesn’t say sorry, doesn’t give reasons for his actions. He would say I’m coming to your house and won’t show up without apologies nor explanations.
A part of me knew this is not how it’s supposed to be but again I felt he hasn’t really done anything serious for you to leave him moreover how was I sure it’s not all in my head. But I knew something wasn’t right. He mentioned the proposal once saying I asked you to marry me and u haven’t given me a response. He then said, anyway take ur time, I will wait. Before the end of last year, I called him and sat him down and told him all my fears. Let me not forget that the said woman who picked my call in 2015 called me again calling me a whore. I had a long talk with him. I told him how much i loved him and the truth is he doesn’t love me back but he doesn’t know how to leave because he has an amazing woman in his life. I also gave him my savings too to invest in a business he was starting. Promised to pay back in two months. After the conversation, he was crying and apologized for all the pains he’s been causing me and promised to do better by next year. Promised me the world. I was happy and we both prayed for a better 2017 and that was how we both travelled for the holidays. We didn’t speak for like a week cos his number was off. I was scared because we were to see on the 1st of January. I couldn’t reach him till the 4th and when I did he said he needed time alone. And this year he needed time alone too. That he wants things to happen naturally between us. Our relationship seem forced and it’s one sided, that he needed time to fall in love with me same way I did. I felt weak. This was one week after he cried and begged me in my house for a better 2017. I told him so how do we communicate, do you want a break up? He said just let things happen naturally. I accepted and went back to my house and prayed to be ok cos finally it seemed like truly your fears are coming to pass so better be ready. He also said his family members are not comfortable with our relationship taking that we are not from the same tribe. In summary, Amanda, he got married this month. To the same lady who claimed to be his wife. I stumbled on his wedding card on Fb. He came up with a story that she’s pregnant for him and his family is insisting he marries her. He’s marrying her to please his family but I’m still the love of his life. A day to his wedding, he sent me a text saying he loves me and I shouldn’t leave him. I’ve been angry since. The anger is consuming me. People have said move on. I’m angry over the lies I’ve had to believe. His wedding photos is all over Fb and people are saying how amazing he is because of his personality. He won my mother’s, sister’s and friends heart but I’ve been angry. I gave everything and got hurt at the end. And he did everything he said he wouldn’t do. How do I stop being angry? I’m sorry this is long
Sorry to add that for every time I brought to his notice the things he did, he spent his time convincing me that it was all in my head and I have an existing impression that he can’t help me. He made me believe I had a problem which I needed to fix and he can’t help me. He called me a sad woman. He tortured my emotions with his words. And then he would tell me he loves me desperately and I need to start believing that. But his actions never matched up with his words.
How can you tell someone you love them but u never treat them right? I knew he was cheating. He wasn’t spending time with me so there had to be someone. I could spend the night with him and the next day he won’t even as much as check up. I’ve asked myself the things I did or shouldn’t have done. I’m so angry. Angry at the habits I had to tolerate. Angry at the fact that I gave up everything. He complained I had to much male friends, I cut some off. He said I had so many admirers, I didn’t as much as have a drink with someone else despite the fact that we didn’t even go out, not after two ice cream dates during the chyking process and two garden dates when we really needed to talk and I didn’t want to do it in our houses. Several times he accused me of cheating, meanwhile I can’t remember giving him reasons to think that. My life is a quadrangle. I’m either at work, church, school(was running a masters programme) and home. My phone is always on. Sometimes he shows up in my house unannounced and never has he seen any man.
My phone doesn’t have a password so he has access meanwhile I don’t have access to his. If I’m on the phone I sound excited, he would say so u now have a new love. He married someone else now. The question I keep asking is where was she all the times he was broke I had to give him money? All the times he was hungry and didn’t have money and I had to take food late at night to his house. Where was she when he was an emotional wreck, when his siblings who always believed he was a nobody and I had to carry him while he cried as he complained abt how his family treats him. He had a complex problem and I did all I could to not feel inferior. I made him believe in himself. Where was she? I don’t blame the said woman he married cos I don’t know the efforts she made and taking for the fact that she’s the one everyone knows in the family. But I’m wondering here, thinking how someone can feel so comfortable lying to another and not caring what those lies would do to them.
He knew all my weaknesses. He knew how to get me and for every single time, he got what he wanted. And the truth is he’s not sorry. He told me he has searched his conscience and he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he has done. I should go deal with my issues. For two years, I lived a lie. A well concocted lie. And he also said I was just a bet. People said I was a difficult person… but he said he now fell in love with me. I should have walked away when he said that. I am angry
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Amanda Chisom

Chief Executive Officer at TorchBlaze Media Consults. "People say I say a lot of inappropriate things. I just think I am radically honest. Follow me for your gist and news and radical opinions on issues"

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